The 'D' Word

I never wanted to be one of those girls that wrote a blog about her issues, or exclaimed to the world what was happening within her own head, however it was suggested to me that it may help to get these thoughts and feelings out there as my own personal therapy. I am making this public as a way to let others know they genuinely aren't alone. As a general, the word depression scares a huge amount of the earths population. It comes with a heavy burden and so many expectations. But depression isn't all tears and tantrums, hiding under your duvet until mid-afternoon and eating ice cream for breakfast (here by known as the 'Bridget Jones' effect). No. Depression is much more than just that. It comes with anxiety and stress. It comes with every day worry and illnesses. It comes with pills and therapy. And yet it is still met with disbelief and comments that do more harm than good. 'Have you ever tried just being happy'... 'those pills wont help you at all, you need to get out and do more'... 'get a hobby, keep your mind busy, you'll be fine in a few days'. Again, no. It's a process to get through. Fighting with ones own mind can do more harm than good most days and yet that's what it takes. Re-training your own mind to ignore what you are telling yourself... trying to turn a negative thought around... 'they're talking amongst themselves, they must want rid of me' into 'not every conversation has to include me, it doesn't mean they think less of me or don't want me around'. The main thing people don't understand about the anxiety is how hard it is to stop yourself from entering that frame of mind. It attacks any moment of the day and latches on for as long as it can. I can be walking towards a group of my most trusted friends and my mind will suddenly tell me they're talking about how they wished I hadn't turned up, how they wished they knew of a way to get rid of me. This is of course not the case and most days now I can tell my brain to shut up if and when I choose but even as far as two weeks ago, I struggled with this transformation. Some days using the 'Bridget Jones' methods help so much, even just as a recuperation technique. My best advice though is to talk to your friends when you think these things. Let them know the pill changes, the therapy discussions, your thoughts and experiences, soon you'll realise those that want to hear these things are the people that deserve to be around you.  💜💜💜